With a mere ten days left to my year of mourning I am in “transition”. The question of course is transition to what? Back to where I was before the death of my mother a”h? Or to a new place?
In one sense saying kaddish makes it easy. Obligations are well defined and one knows what is expected in terms of paying respect to the memory of a deceased parent. All one needs to do is execute – do what is required of a mourning child. It need not require much thought, if any, just action. Observe the restrictions of mourning. Attend services. Say kaddish. That’s it.
I find myself pondering: Has this experience changed me? What if anything will I do differently as a result of the mourning experience? Now that the formal required practices of respect have ended how do I go about respecting the memory of my parents?
At this early stage of the trabnsition I have been focused on an “action item”; continuing to make the extra effort required to daven three times a day with a minyan.
But my heart tells me there must be more.